Sincerity doesn't move hearts anymore .

Day in day out I have always cast my feelings aside, with a hope that the discomfort that I have will fade away. At times it stops for awhile and it comes back to me causing me to feel blue.

Honestly I have no idea what I am doing. I realize I have lost my sense of direction and I am trying to navigate to where I should stand and go. I wouldn’t say that I have taken the wrong path to where I am right now. Probably it was a decision I made to walk on those paths to lead me where I am right now.

The start has always been beautiful and I felt a sense of justification. I assumed that finally someone older has knocked on my door and prove a point that “Hey! I am here to make our lives worth it and let’s go through thick and thin!” Initially, that was the ‘vow’ I made to him and he kind off made for me. The chase felt so nice, I felt so beautiful and pretty much wanted.

Yet that was momentary. I was insecure and he just didn’t want to relate to me. Could it be I demanded a lot from him? MAYBE. But perhaps I just wanted to have another level of reassurance that he could possibly offer. But NO.

So as months passed by,I have deduced the factt as to why he reacts to things differently. Like most women who had been there done that, I sold myself away. I made it easy for him, I made myself to available and from the women’s empowerment point of view, all these are a BIG NO-NO.

Please bear in mind that whatever I have mentioned are all pretty much one sided. So allow me to continue. I tried to reach out to him elucidating that perhaps I am here for a reason. I thought I have located THE REASON but in all honesty, it takes two hands to clap.

All I know, I can’t force love to grow. Yet perhaps I am being magnanimous (not trying to blow my own trumpet) I just wish to stay. Although I know I am holding on nothing and wait for the inevitable.

I wish to make my stay worth it. If words can’t seem to penetrate that heart of yours what can?

Oh wait, sorry I’ve been trying too hard.

How foolish can this be? Yet they say sincerity move hearts? I guess this quote should be abolished in our minds. I don’t believe in this anymore.

All in all, Heaven knows I tried.